Hello, humans! So, this is the author’s commentary for chapter two of Amy, Captured. I’m still rather proud of this chapter; I haven’t been back to read it for a long time, but I did remember it fondly. It’s not hugely plot focused, but it’s a bit of fun and, more importantly, it marks the beginning of several changes toward making the series what it is today… Whatever that is.

There’s definitely more humor in this chapter, or at least more silliness, like the cartoon map. That’s a result of a realization on my part; it would be really boring to have to write the staid, pissed off Sander that was present in chapter one for more than a few chapters. So I made the decision to have him lighten up a bit. You can also see Mara and Shimizu’s personalities begin to solidify in their appearance. This was really the point where I was picking directions for the characters, pushing them into their present states.

We also get to see some of the toys Sander and co have collected to try out on Amy. The reasoning there was to show that this kidnapping wasn’t a spur of the moment thing; Sander’s been planning this for quite some time, and whether it was his own prurient interests, or more likely suggestions from Mara, he’s made preparations for toying with Amy before she got there.

In this chapter we see the Arclight system, which I’d basically written because I’d never really seen anything like it done on Lit, and it seemed like a fun little scene to write. I actually really enjoyed doing so, it turned out really well, but… It shames me to admit it, but I’d forgotten all about it in the intervening months. I might even bring it back, now I’ve remembered it!

I’d also forgotten about the little hints of Sander’s past that’s present here, in his recurring nightmare. It’s never brought up again, which is my bad, but I think it serves as a good indicator of where he’s at about it, and how much it haunts him even after all this time. My objective, whenever I write about that period of his past, is to bring a sense of helplessness to the character. He’s generally so composed, or at least in control of the situation, that it’s really shocking to him when the Doctor just sweeps in and tears away all his power in seconds. Frankly, I don’t even think that their initial meeting has enough material to constitute a full Doctor Who episode, but it certainly made an impact on Sander.

That flashback scene got one of the more extensive changes I made to this chapter. I think the original narration there was kind of awkward, especially in regard to the tenses. It’s very close to switching from past to present tense at times, and the sentence structure was kind of incomplete, so I just up and cut a few segments and replaced them with something a little more descriptive. I think it captures the mood better, and clarifies some things about how Sander discovered Elsa had been killed. I’ll definitely be revisiting that later.

There are a couple of smaller additions here too; an added sentence revealing a little more about the Command Collars and what non-sexual uses they might have served. I actually have a little backstory about the collars (created in conjunction with my beautiful sub, LogicalDreamer) that’s kind of darker than I’d originally intended, but that works so well I decided to retroactively add it. It’ll eventually be revealed in full in future chapters of Panic Moon, so look forward to it.

Also, there was a line towards the end stating outright that Mara was gay, which… she was, at that time. Her particular character arc hadn’t been planned out yet, and honestly she wasn’t supposed to be Sander’s love interest originally. I’m glad that she is, I think that particular subplot worked out really well and developed both characters far more than they might otherwise have been, but in these early chapters she was designed to be a lesbian. So, I’ve changed that line to fall in line with future chapters. That and filling in some spelling errors that, to my horror, slipped the net and made it into the Lit release. My apologies for that, I will flagellate myself presently.

Moving on, the sex in this chapter was… a relic of an earlier idea I’d had where Sander and Amy would have gotten progressively closer as the series progressed. Arguably that happened as it is, but it would have been terribly embarrassing if I’d allowed it to progress in the manner that it did here. You can see it in the original version; once they’re done, Amy actually expresses a little enjoyment in what had just happened, which… No. No, that’s not right at all. I don’t know what I was thinking. Obviously, it’s been changed, and Amy’s dialogue now reflects her internal conflict at having surrendered to him a little better. It really bothered me that this chapter ended the way it did in retrospect, so I’m glad I was able to change it up for this version.

Finally, I rephrased the very first sentence of this chapter into something that flows a little better. I don’t know if anyone noticed, but that first line (which I won’t repeat because it’s actually terribly wonky. It’s easy to find online if you look me up on Literotica) is repeated significantly in chapter thirteen, which functions as the finale even though there’s two chapters after it. I meant for it to bookend the series, but I guess nobody picked up on it but me, so maybe it’s just my personal in joke. That happens from time to time, as you’ll see as we progress, potential audience.

As for everything else… Amy gives her first blowjob here, because as I said last time, I rarely write about sex acts that I don’t personally enjoy. That, and Karen Gillan has nice lips so… there’s that. The playing around with the Arclight system, denying her orgasm is also in here just because I like that, but also because I was playing around with a few more sci-fi concepts here that would inform the development of later chapters. Once I’d given myself permission to get a little nerdier and write about energy fields and whatnot, the ideas just kept coming. Without this early addition, Lysithea might not exist, so I can’t say it wasn’t worth it. 

All in all, I’m rather proud of this chapter. For only my second attempt at erotic fiction or fan fiction, think it turned out pretty well done. Not great or anything, but nice enough, and it’s good to know there’s room for improvement. I dunno, what do you guys think, if in fact there is a guys?

Kurokami, signing off!